I just don't understand...

I live in an area with a lot of transplants (transplant- n. Yankee's who moved South) and inevitably I've had to work with and for them. I won't lie to you- I wasn't too thrilled about it. But, it has been a learning experience. So now I will share with you what I learned so you won't have to learn the same way I did.

1. I don't like king sized beds.
I've had to try to decorate around them and they are just too obtrusive. But, my disdain for king sized beds came after a house sitting gig I got roped into. As I lay on the right side of the bed trying may hardest to fall asleep, I noticed that there was about 3 acres of bed on my left. Its just too much. Even if there had been someone else (or a family of 4) in the bed with me, there still would have been too much bed left. I'm perfectly fine with a queen sized. Just my opinion.

2. I can't live in a subdivision.
Subdivisions have cropped up all over the South. And the houses are beautiful. But I cannot live so close to someone that they can look right into my bedroom window from their living room. I mean, I'm not doing anything scandalous inside my house, but that doesn't mean I want the whole neighborhood to be able sit back and watch my comings and goings like the next season of American Idol. I just need some privacy.

3. Some people treat their dogs better than they treat their kids.
So I see a woman I know (transplant) walking her dog, Gigi. Gigi is no ordinary dog. She is a "designer dog"- a mutt genetically modified to be fluffier, prissier and have a severe under bite.... Now, on Gigi's morning walk she has a bow in a little tuft of hair between her ears, a pink rhinestone collar, and a pink glittered tutu. From the looks of this scene, one would think that this woman had no children to spoil so she babied her dog. Nope. She has a 14 year old son. As I stopped to chat with this woman I asked her how her son was. Her response was "Oh fine I suppose. He's in a boarding school in Connecticut. I think he'll be home for Christmas. I call him about once a month. and he always seems to be just fine! But I better run, Gigi has a pedicure and haircut appointment. Great to see you!".... The kid will be home for Christmas? It was MAY!

4. Yankee's eat entirely too much hummus.
I love hummus. I always have a container of it in my fridge. But y'all, I kid you not. I was babysitting for a transplant family and it was time for me to fix the girls some supper so I went to the fridge and this is what I found:
six flavors of hummus
some almond milk
some olives
some arugula lettuce
a box of alfalfa sprouts
some Gruyere cheese

What in the sam hill was I supposed to fix these children for supper? I couldn't even make them a tomato sandwich. Do you really think a 5 year old and a 3 year old are going to eat an arugula and sprout salad and some hummus? Is it really necessary to have SIX flavors of hummus?
Long story short, I found a box of Easy-Mac in the bottom of the pantry. Bon appetite, girls!

5. How can you live in a multi-million dollar house but own NO fine china or antiques
I don't know about y'all but if I had the means to build a multi-million dollar abode, the first thing I'd do is display my fine china in an antique china cabinet. I'd be single handedly keeping the antique shops and auctions in business. Apparently this mentality is not universal though. I've seen MANY nouveau riche houses that had NO antique furniture and absolutely NO china- just some Pier 1 dishes. WHY??

6. The color burgundy will NOT go in my house.
In the same homes that have no china or antiques are inevitably decorated in the color burgundy... Why has this trend from 1998 continued? WHY? I want answers! I didn't like it then and I sure don't like it now. I think the mentality of burgundy is that it looks expensive. I DOESN'T. It only looks outdated. Bless their hearts, they just didn't know any better. Here's my tip, pic a good neutral for your walls (a light grey, a good white, a pale beige). Then, incorporate color in with your accessories. Avoid deep, dark colors that will add to much visual weight to the room. Keep it clean, light, and simple. NO BURGUNDY!

To all our transplant followers, we love you. We're glad you are here. But please, adapt to Southern life. You are here now, its time to embrace the Southern way of life and get rid of these nasty habits. Next step: work on those hideous accents.

- Ada Grey

Caroline's Ideas for a Perfect Night In: Light a Candle and Forget About It... (um... not literally though. I'd hate for your house to catch fire.)

      Ever have one of those days where you just come home and want to punch your pillow till the down feathers fly out?  Yep, I have those days too!  There's not much more that can cure my mood than lighting a candle, fixing a cocktail and flipping open the latest issue of Southern Living or Garden and Gun. On one especially stressful occasion, I guess I had one cocktail too many.  And that is precisely when DISASTER OCCURED.  It went a little something like this.

      I had been in my room with a Waterford glass filled to the brim.  I was reading my latest issue of Southern Living and I was inspired to concoct some variation of fettuccine alfredo for dinner.  It was already 6 o'clock, so I'd have to hurry.  I scurried off to the kitchen, drink in hand, and spent the next hour fixing dinner.  It was a dash of this and a pinch of that... It turned out fabulously, but just like every other accidental recipe I come up with, I never write the method to my madness down, so recreating it is nearly impossible.  You'd think  I would learn!!!  Anyway... I was halfway through my third drink and my dinner when I smelled something burning.   My first instinct was to look at the stove.  Nope, stove looked fine.  But good Lord, where was that smell coming from!? I looked around the dining and living room. Nope, nothing there either.  THE BEDROOM.  ---- OH.MY.GOD. ----

    Somehow, I had forgotten about the candle I had left burning on my bedside table.  I sprint down the hall to find that my candle had apparently sparked and caught the floral arrangement on my bedside table on fire.  Not just a little fire, the flowers were in FLAMES.  A BIG ball of red and orange FLAMES.   What in the hell am I going to do?!?   I picked up a book from my bedside table and started beating the flames out of the flowers.  While extinguishing the flames, black ashes are literally snowing all over my room as I am beating the tar out of the flowers.  Just when you think it can't get much worse, the book catches fire, right there IN MY HANDS.   SHIT.

     What's my next plan you ask?  I smothered the flames out with a towel, and wept as I realized that  I had burned the tips of my index and middle finger on my right hand, but far worse, the book I had just beat the flames to death with was my hardback copy of The Help. I spent the next half hour cleaning ashes from every surface on that side of my bedroom, and wiping tears away as I mourned the loss of a good book.   My night was further ruined when I realized that a multitude of black ashes were now embedded in the ivory white candle wax and I was about to have to throw away a brand new candle that I paid $20 for.  ---SIGH---    I have since recovered, and my addiction to candles has not changed much, except that I am a little more cautious now. 

I know most girls love a good candle, so here are some that I am currently obsessed with. 

 Shelley Kyle---   This woman knows how to do scents!  Be warned however, these aren't for those with milder tastes.  My personal favorites are McClendon and Tiramani.  According to the Shelley Kyle website, McClendon contains notes of grapefruit, bergamot, key lime, black currant absolute, cut grass, mandarin leaf, and dew fresh basil, while Tiramani contains notes of blood orange, Madonna lilly, white nectarine, cashmere musk, and night blooming jasmine. Purchase Here

Tyler Candles---  These have been a longtime favorite.  I absolutely adore Diva and High Maintenance.  According to the Tyler Candle Company, High Maintenance is their #1 seller. (I knew I had good taste!)  Learn More About Tyler Candles Here

Rewined---  Okay, so admittedly I am not a huge wine drinker, but these wine scented candles, hand poured in repurposed wine bottles hit the spot for me!  My absolute favorite is the Riesling, and I am DYING to find the seasonal Sangria.  I can only imagine that it is amazing as well.  Another awesome scent is the Mimosa, but it is incredibly sweet!  Shop Rewined Candles Here

I hope you found this post amusing and informative! Learn from my mistakes! :)

- Caroline

(Note to reader: Caroline Grace Mckenlie is hereby not responsible for any fire that occurs from any candle she recommends.  I am also not paid by any company to recommend their products.  These are just my honest to goodness opinions!)