1. Your friends secretly
The sound of her voice probably sends chills down their spine like nails on a chalkboard. The thought of her tagging along with the boys to happy hour makes them want to walk into oncoming Atlanta traffic. Her cuddly hugs, baby talk, and constant need to be up your butt in front of them makes them swear to eachother they’d rather die lonely, single, and celibate than be in a relationship like yours. Getting the picture?? Good.
Sure, they tolerate her and pretend to like her enough to maintain a friendship with you, but let’s get real boys; unless you’re best buds with some Oscar worthy actors, there HAVE been signs that they don’t like her. YOU’RE.IGNORING.THEM. You were probably just too enchanted by her double D’s to notice their discontent with your blossoming courtship. Get a clue, moron. And even better, if any of them have the testicles to come clean and tell you they don’t particularly love her, don’t brush it off. This is HUGE! Guys almost NEVER interfere or comment negatively on a friend’s relationship. They’d rather have their chest hairs plucked out one by one into the shape of a heart than have the awkward “Dude, your girlfriend sucks” convo. Even worse is when your guy friends AND their girlfriends hate her. This is going to hell in a handbag, fast! Not gonna work! And let's not even get to the part about your family not liking her. I think you know what I would say to that. Not gonna happen unless, A. you're willing to abandon friends and family for said female, or B. You are willing to spend the remainder of your relationship with her in extremely painful awkwardness when around said friends and family who don't like her. For your sake, some of them will try to be nice, really they will... but they can't help it. The tension is already there.
2. She’s got a tendency to have psychotic episodes.
Sure, most girls have that time of the month where they tend to be a little more unpleasant, and some girls just have a slightly-bitchy-yet-charming-personality in general , but what I’m talking about is full on hurricane force bitch winds coming at you. One minute you’re the light of her life, and the next she’s screaming paranoid accusations. Said delusions are typically alcohol induced. (i.e. - substance induced psychotic episodes) Dating someone who is delusional is never fun, especially in the long run, trust me… I’ve done the leg work on this one. Even more disturbing is when she branches out and has these episodes in public with friends as witnesses, which means she’s obviously not embarrassed by her behavior. (Hence why your friends aren’t crazy over her)
Sure, most girls have that time of the month where they tend to be a little more unpleasant, and some girls just have a slightly-bitchy-yet-charming-personality in general , but what I’m talking about is full on hurricane force bitch winds coming at you. One minute you’re the light of her life, and the next she’s screaming paranoid accusations. Said delusions are typically alcohol induced. (i.e. - substance induced psychotic episodes) Dating someone who is delusional is never fun, especially in the long run, trust me… I’ve done the leg work on this one. Even more disturbing is when she branches out and has these episodes in public with friends as witnesses, which means she’s obviously not embarrassed by her behavior. (Hence why your friends aren’t crazy over her)
3. She talks to other guys.
No, I’m not talking about her kindergarten best friend who is SOOOO gay, but “is-too-scared-to-come-out-to-his-southern-baptist-grandmother-for-fear-of-being-cut-out-of-the-will”, or a that friend that you mutually share and trust that she occasionally texts with. I’m talking about exes, former crushes, and GUYS THAT YOU DON’T KNOW. That guy that she met at the bar on girls weekend?!?! Yeah… you know…. THAT GUY. Come on, you’ve been THAT GUY before. You’ve totally hit on, or crossed the line with a girl who wasn’t available and you know where it can lead…. and FAST. If she’s been guilty of this more than once, and with multiple guys while you’ve been dating, then it’s totally time to peace out. She’s still testing the waters to see if she can reel in a better catch. If you can’t keep her attention, she’s not that into you. She’s just waiting on a better one to come along, but keeping you in the meantime for security purposes.
4. She drinks a little too much, a little too often--- and doesn’t know how to behave properly.
Sure, in the beginning this was cute and endearing. She could drink with the boys, stay out all night and be the slightly-obnoxious-sparkle-in-the-room…. But lately her fun and sparkle while drinking has turned into a crazy-trainwreck-mess, worthy of an AA meeting. (refer to alcohol induced psychotic episodes in reason #2) Furthermore, if she can’t remember said “Episodes”, that raises an even bigger red flag.
Brother, you’ve got yourself a problem. Her alcohol induced tantrums and amnesia of the event screams “BINGE DRINKER”. I’m not saying kick her to the curb if she becomes a sloppy drunk mess once a year. Hell, we’ve all been there…. but when it gets a little more frequent than that, she needs help that you can’t provide without a PhD in Psychiatry. A proper southern lady doesn’t make a habit of drunken scenes. Such a no-no!
5. She’s more like Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, and Carmen Electra, than she is Jackie Kennedy, Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly.
No, just NO…. A MILLION TIMES NO.
First of all, she doesn’t have to be Southern, but God help, she at least has to have SOME class about her. Just thinking about how many times Kim, Paris and Carmen have been engaged, married and divorced combined makes our heads spin. She shouldn’t only act like a lady, but she should dress like one too! Besides, Midriff bearing tops and painted on spandex skirts were made for Adriana Lima, not the average sized young lady. If she’s showing her goodies, chances are she’s not just trying to look sexy for you, but for other guys viewing pleasure too.
Being a lady also includes being friendly enough with other females that she has enough girlfriends to properly fill a bridal party. Be a little concerned if she has less than 10 close female friends. Less than 5?? Contemplate walking away. Less than 3 girlfriends who can tolerate her on a daily basis?!?!? DON’T WALK, RUN!!!
Sure, we love a girl with some sass and a little sprinkle of bitchy-ness, but when she’s a condescending-backstabbing-wench to the point that she doesn’t have a wide circle of female friends, she’s not for you. Secondly, your gal friends need to at least be able to get along with her. They should never feel like she is trying to initiate a competition over who gets your attention. THIS.NEVER.ENDS.WELL. Your gal pals will try to tell you, but YOU.WON’T.LISTEN. They will likely jump ship to avoid further confrontation with you. They will then commence to praying that said girlfriend falls off a cliff so that your friendship can return to normal.
My final word: If you are in denial about this article, then it most likely has resonated and at least one of the five reasons fits your dating situation. Acceptance is the first step. Step two, DUMP HER. Period-End.Of.Story.
- Caroline Grace McKenlie
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